May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in Your sight, Oh Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.
Psalm 19:14

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Pointless but pondering

I realize this is pointless as my feelings have no impact whatsoever over the outcome. I realize God has already made the choice and it is the best plan for our family. Yet people have been asking so I have started thinking. First, they ask if we are going to find out if we are having a girl or boy. Then when I say we are waiting, they ask if we have a preference. Of course the proper/polite/expected/and really truthful answer is just a healthy baby. But I have started thinking about sort of the pros and cons of a boy or a girl.
Ashley would love to have a girl so if it came right down to it, I may say a girl for his sake. He would be a wonderful daddy to a girl and would be completely smitten with an adoring daughter. However, the teen and eventual dating years may get ugly....
I almost lean more towards a boy. Jonathan would have such fun with a brother and teaching him about being a boy. Ashley and Jonathan have an incredible relationship which would be neat to see happen again. A boy can pee most anywhere. I do not have to do a boy's hair!!!! I feel a little less pressure about worrying about passing along my issues and insecurites as a female to a son than to a daughter. Jonathan is very content, at least so far, with used clothes and garage sale clothes. Would a girl be as content? I would rather deal with energy and onery than drama and attitude and whiny. Though I imagine that goes both ways and I have definately dealt with the whiny with Jonathan!
But a girl. A sweet girl. To snuggle and spoil. To find sweet little outfits for. To polish little fingernails maybe. To teach about being a wife and mommy someday. And I would always be the mom. It feels like I will give Jonathan away one day to his wife, as it should be. And then I will be more the mother in law. Especially with grandkids. My sisters both have good relationships with their in laws and appreciate a lot all the help they give, yet they are still in laws. Our mother is definately the preferred one and the one turned to for advice. So with a daughter I would, hopefully, always have that. Talk about borrowing worries! Ridiculous thinking really but I read a story when I was pregnant with Jonathan about a mother of a boy on the evening of his wedding and I wept!
So, pointless as I said. It will be so exciting to see who this child is God is lending us for a time!! For now, I think my thoughts and energies are better spent on things I do have a little control over. Like meals for the week and what things we need to be doing to get ready for this precious child and mowing the lawn and cleaning and all those fun things!!

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