May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in Your sight, Oh Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.
Psalm 19:14

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Pointless but pondering

I realize this is pointless as my feelings have no impact whatsoever over the outcome. I realize God has already made the choice and it is the best plan for our family. Yet people have been asking so I have started thinking. First, they ask if we are going to find out if we are having a girl or boy. Then when I say we are waiting, they ask if we have a preference. Of course the proper/polite/expected/and really truthful answer is just a healthy baby. But I have started thinking about sort of the pros and cons of a boy or a girl.
Ashley would love to have a girl so if it came right down to it, I may say a girl for his sake. He would be a wonderful daddy to a girl and would be completely smitten with an adoring daughter. However, the teen and eventual dating years may get ugly....
I almost lean more towards a boy. Jonathan would have such fun with a brother and teaching him about being a boy. Ashley and Jonathan have an incredible relationship which would be neat to see happen again. A boy can pee most anywhere. I do not have to do a boy's hair!!!! I feel a little less pressure about worrying about passing along my issues and insecurites as a female to a son than to a daughter. Jonathan is very content, at least so far, with used clothes and garage sale clothes. Would a girl be as content? I would rather deal with energy and onery than drama and attitude and whiny. Though I imagine that goes both ways and I have definately dealt with the whiny with Jonathan!
But a girl. A sweet girl. To snuggle and spoil. To find sweet little outfits for. To polish little fingernails maybe. To teach about being a wife and mommy someday. And I would always be the mom. It feels like I will give Jonathan away one day to his wife, as it should be. And then I will be more the mother in law. Especially with grandkids. My sisters both have good relationships with their in laws and appreciate a lot all the help they give, yet they are still in laws. Our mother is definately the preferred one and the one turned to for advice. So with a daughter I would, hopefully, always have that. Talk about borrowing worries! Ridiculous thinking really but I read a story when I was pregnant with Jonathan about a mother of a boy on the evening of his wedding and I wept!
So, pointless as I said. It will be so exciting to see who this child is God is lending us for a time!! For now, I think my thoughts and energies are better spent on things I do have a little control over. Like meals for the week and what things we need to be doing to get ready for this precious child and mowing the lawn and cleaning and all those fun things!!

Wednesday, April 21, 2010


Tonight I am thankful for many things:

I am thankful it is tonight and not last night because that means the scary procedure is over.

I am thankful the spider bite did not get worse and I was assured nothing affected the baby.

I am thankful for feeling the Baby move a lot today to reassure me even more.

I am thankful for very kind nurses, one of whom even held my hands when it hurt so badly.

I am thankful for a husband who kept Jonathan while I went to the hospital so he did
not have to see Mommy hurting and trying to be brave and I did not have to try to keep
him entertained and not touching germy things while trying to be brave!

I am thankful for a doctor who was kind and funny and thorough and acknowledged God as the ultimate healer.

I am thankful for a sweet sweet son who was so kind and patient today when Mommy could not get around much. We built Legos and played Uno and floated creations in the bathtub and read and watched a little movie and talked. He was so helpful!

I am thankful this happend before Baby if it had to happen.

I am thankful Jonathan is five and can help and can do things on his own and can understand when Mommy just can't do somethings.

I am thankful that he is happy with simple things and content to entertain himself and me with a dance he created and an outfit of a cape, a hat from Honduras, underware over his pants and no shirt. It was hilarious and priceless. If only my camera would have worked!

I am so thankful for leftovers which limited the need to move and stand as long.

I am thankful the leftovers did not cause Jonathan to throw up tonight. He did late last night after eating the same meal. A fact I remembered only after he and I were almost done eating.

I am thankful Ashley's stomach is not quesy as he will need to help me change the packing in the rather large hole in my leg.

I am thankful God created our bodies to heal.

I am thankful my sweet family called to check on me.

I am thankful for a husband who is patient with a messier than normal house.

I am thankful I have never had a spider bite before!

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Grow up

Heard a great thing on the radio the other day.

I finally found K-Love here which I am so glad for. I listened to Bott radio network
at home which aired Focus on the Family and Chip Ingram and others but we do
not get it here. I should try listening to it on the Internet.

But, heard someone quoting Rick Warren, preacher at Saddleback Church in CA, the other day and he said he could sum up 35 years of marital counseling in two words:

"Grow up."

So true and so what I was needing to hear right then. Now to just work at applying daily.


I am an apple snob! I am not picky about most foods but I do not like mushy apples. I am quite thrifty with most foods but will pay more for a good apple. The best are Pink Lady!! Yummy!

I don't like whole wheat pasta. yet I feel guilt about it every time at the grocery store. So I go back and forth and sometimes get the good for you ones and make another attempt to like them and then sometimes get the not good for you ones and enjoy the meals more! I think we would get used to the taste if I just keep using the whole wheat but I cave sometimes!

Long finger nails on males make me a little queasy.

I love Sonic and have even stooped so low as to plan errands around the timing of happy hour. Usually my choice is a vanilla Dr. Pepper but for now I have discovered Cranberry Limeades. They are so good!

I am a snob about good grammar, which is ridiculous and so not an eternal issue and I am not perfect about it either. But I find myself drawing a conclusion about a person's intelligence based on his or her grammar. Proving to be quite a problem here in TN!

Some of Jonathan's books get me choked up. He just roles his eyes at me!!

Being hot makes me grumpy. Really grumpy! Quite worried about this summer and the humidity and heat here.


It has been a long time since a post. and too late and not much energy to say much right now. Just trying to get back in to doing so. and hopefully with pictures too!

The last month has been crazy with Ashley going to Honduras and Jonathan and I getting to visit my sister and family in OK and then all our family in KS. More on all that later. it was a good trip! Then a friend came back with Ashley from Honduras for nearly three weeks. It really was a good experience for all of us. Plus a good excuse to do lots of extra things!

Now life continues and feels even more real that we are truly living here. Not sure when I will really grasp and accept it!!! For the time we have been here there has always been a trip home planned because of Honduras prep and then the trip. However, when we left this time, there was not a return time planned and I had my last appointment at our doctor there which felt like a huge change to me. I can actually say I am glad not to have been in KS this week though after hearing about the crazy winds! We have had great weather here so Jonathan and I have been spending lots of time outside mowing and planting and playing and walking and riding four wheelers. Ashley is super busy with work things to make up for things not getting done while in Honduras and taking time off while our friend Anel was here.

It feels like there are lots of decisions that need to be made now in our lives. Some quite major and some fairly little things:
how much to put in the garden, keeping in mind summer heat and pregnancy and newborn!
what all to plant
where to put a compost area
where to put my clothes line
where to put a sandbox for Jonathan
what kinds of herbs to plant
who to have as a pediatrician for Jonathan and Baby--I miss our family doctor
NAMES for Baby!
further plans for family
start allowance or some sort of thing for Jonathan
finding a place to get honey here
finding a place to get fresh milk here
SCHOOL for Jonathan---home, public and which one, or Christian school. this is a huge HUGE one for us right now!
whether to go on family retreat with church we have been going to
plans to meet my sisters and mom for a little get away!
whether to try Netflix,
work on a better budget
work on a will and guardian for children
approaches to some discipline issues with Jonathan

So Ashley and I need to sit down and talk about some major and some minor issues and some silly things and pray for wisdom about some of the really important and tough ones And try to hear each other and get along on some of the more emotional ones! Life can get complicated.